Monday, June 30, 2008

Week 3 Complete!

Wow - another successful week of running. I completed my runs but it was an exercise in futility. Each day I experimented with different running shorts and have yet to find a pair that doesn't chafe the hell out of my inner thighs. Last Sunday I went to a running store, Fleet Feet, where a very helpful runner the size of a toothpick helped me pick out a pair of running shorts. She remembered me from a few months ago when she helped me pick out a suitable running bra, which was constructed and tested at NASA - had to be in order to work the way it does. So, she picked out 40 pairs of running shorts for me to try on and I went with the 'compression' style. She said 'Oh, I'm surprised you like the compression style'. I'm like wtf? I'm just picking the pair that makes my ass look the smallest... It has a two-layer system in which the inner short is tight like a bike short - hence the compression - and the outer layer is loose to disguise the fact that you're wearing a fashion style from the 1980s. So Tuesday morning I'm actually excited to go run my 3 miles in my new compression shorts system thing. Not 3 minutes in and damn it to hell if that outer layer of loose shorts didn't ride right up my crotch. I felt like I was running with a dick tucked in between my legs. So for a mile and a half out, cursing the entire way, I had to pick the shorts out of my crotch every 2 seconds. I probably looked like I was playing with myself. Strangely on the way back the shorts weren't riding up at all- hmmm. So I can only run in one direction in these things? Well that's not very convenient. Three runs later and 3 pairs of shorts later and still no luck.

Update on Little Viagra. One of my short runs late in the week and I noticed that the tramp stamp Little Viagra has been apparently tampered with and now reads C I A. Whaaaaaat the hell?? Something weird is going on here. The government is involved somehow. Stay tuned.

No yoga master all week. I'm really getting worried about him. What if during a deep meditation he rolled over and fell in the river?? I can only hope he went in with his kung-foo yoga mat to keep him afloat.

My sister Jenny's training out in the suburbs continues to go well. She did encounter a snake in the path during one of her runs. I'd bet money she maintained goddess form as she hurdled it. Style points for that. I don't have to worry about such obstacles... the closest thing we have to wildlife in the city is homeless people and I haven't had to jump over anyone yet.

A recap of week 3:
  • Monday - rest (praise Jesus)
  • Tuesday - 3 miles (dick-shorts fiasco)
  • Wednesday - 3 miles
  • Thursday - birthday/3 miles
  • Friday - rest day (thank the Lord)
  • Saturday - only 5 miles, whew, piece of cake!
  • Sunday - cross train (shopping and 45-minutes on the bike)
Wish me luck this week. I have a big 9-mile run coming up Saturday. I pray I find a suitable pair of shorts by then or my inner thighs will never be the same!

Thursday, June 26, 2008

Happy Birthday To Me!

If you would've told me a year ago on this day I'd wake up at 6:30 in the morning to run 3 miles in 250% humidity I woulda laughed in your face. But, amazingly that's how my birthday day has started! yay!

This little gem on the left is the Winged Victory of Samothrace, also called the Nike of Samothrace, is a third century B.C. marble sculpture of the Greek goddess Nike (Victory). Since 1884, it has been prominently displayed at the Louvre and is one of the most celebrated sculptures in the world. Read more about the Winged Victory of Samothrace here.

A quick recap of the short runs this week...

No yoga master sightings this week. Bummer. He must be stuck in one of the trees. I did find a potential man/boat mate. While running Tuesday morning, I saw a boat with the tramp stamp Tender 1. I thought wow - what a great man/boat potential for me. Then I saw Tender 2, and Tender 3, and Tender 4, 5, 6 and 7 - and realized I was running past Boys Town in the harbor. Bummer. All the good ones are gay.

I did have a major breakthrough on the Viagra boat mystery. Wednesday morning I saw a little Sea Doo boat named Viagra. I was right! The big yacht named Viagra is really a little boat and needs the pill to turn into a big boat. Little Viagra. God Bless; I knew it was out there. I'm glad I have confirmation on my theory.

Physically I feel pretty good. Only cause for worry - it feels like someone has filleted my lower leg muscles with a paring knife and sewn them back on to my shin bones. Other than that I feel great.

I bid you farewell on this most grand day of celebrations. I'm off to get schnockered at the Cubs game. I think I've earned it. :-)

Monday, June 23, 2008

Week 2 Complete!

Thursday I really had a tough time getting out of bed. I hit snooze on my alarm system for one hour. Yes, my three-pronged alarm system to get my ass out of bed failed miserably. First step, my regular alarm clock buzzes. I hit snooze. Second step, my cell phone blares a really annoying jingle. I hit snooze, which is not easy to do on a cell phone with your eyes still closed. I basically hit all the buttons on the side of the phone until it stops making that noise. Third step, Bailey gets in my face and starts licking me. Ick - that works every time. Well, I do try and yell at him to lie back down but after his third attempt in combination with buzzing and jingles for about 30 minutes I'm up. Well not Thursday. Buzzing didn't phase me, phone disarmed by the 11th snooze, dog still sleeping.

The nice thing about getting such a late start... I saw my elfin voodoo yoga master at the end of his routine. There he was amongst the trees, alongside the river, basking in the sunlight. At first I thought he was dead. Oh no what happened to my little elfin friend? Ah, nothing - he's just up to more freakiness. He was lying spreadeagle, belly-up, shirtless on his kung-foo yoga mat. Then I realized this is the end of his routine when he does some kind of freaky meditation. I didn't get to see him leave because I had to get my 3 miles in. He probably rolled up his kung-foo yoga mat, climbed up one of the trees and went back to bed.

Saturday I graduated to the 11:30-minute pace group. I left the 12-minute clod-hoppers behind. Goodbye fellow running slugs; I must leave you now. The run was pretty decent. The first mile we ran like 10:45 - what the fuck. So, after having a few words with the pace leader at the first water break, we slowed down to the pace we were supposed to be running. It wasn't so bad. Hot. But, being only 6 a.m. on a Saturday, no one is really out on the lakefront to see what a hot sweaty trani mess I turned into. Only annoying part of the run, besides that first mile, was two broads in my group talking about recipes during the middle 2 miles. I mean seriously - recipes?? Come on. They needed to die. Eventually they started talking about something else - movies I think. I felt like I was eavesdropping on a bad lesbian first date.

A recap of week 2:
  • Monday - rest day (yay!)
  • Tuesday - 3 miles
  • Wednesday - 3 miles
  • Thursday - 3 miles
  • Friday - rest day (double yay!)
  • Saturday - 7 miles
  • Sunday - cross train (I actually went to the fitness center in my building and did 45-minutes on the stationary bike and 15-minutes lifting weights. AND I went shopping later in the day so a double workout!)

My goal this week is to not let all my birthday festivities get in the way of completing my runs. That's right - the running goddess turns 34 on Thursday. Here's hoping I can control myself enough in order to get up post-celebrations and run my heart out.

Wednesday, June 18, 2008

What's in a name?

Week 2 is going pretty well. Having a little trouble getting up in the morning to do my runs. Tuesday I hit snooze a million times and finally told myself - if you get up to run you can get a manicure today. It worked. This training is going to get very expensive.

Tuesday while running I turned a corner to run along the lake and the first boat I see in the harbor has Nitemare across the entire side of the bright red boat. That about sums it up. I started reading all the names on the boats - they're kinda like tramp stamps for water vessels. I noticed a striking similarity to the boat names and the types of men I've dated. How could I make such a connection, you ask? Well, as I'm plodding along these miles the last two weeks I've often thought about my existence as a singleton. So tramp stamps on boats and various types of men in relationships was a natural connection. Let's review the highlights from the harbor this week:
  • Nitemare - this not only sums up how I feel about my alarm going off at 4:45 a.m. every day the past two weeks but also some of the dates I've had.
  • Rebound - wow - that's pretty obvious. Not a good shot at a meaningful relationship here.
  • My Way - control freak
  • Almost There - classic commitment-phobe. Plenty of experience here. NOT doing that again no matter how hot he is
  • Skid Marks - ew ew ewwwwww. I'll give ya points for wit but come on; what the fuck?
  • And the best one of them all - VIAGRA. Now, I don't have any personal experience with this type of man and I hope I don't have to for many, many years. But come on - who puts this tramp stamp on his boat?? Maybe the viagra isn't for the captain but for the boat itself. Maybe the boat is really little - like a dingy - and with the little blue pill turns into a huge yacht.
So as you can see, I'm very serious about my runs so far.

Today at the end of my very slow run - I like to think of my running style as methodical - I was almost home and all of a sudden I looked along the river and saw a little elf man amongst the trees doing some kind of freaky kung-fu yoga. That's it - I'll have to start carrying a camera with me because this sight was too freaky for words.

One more short run tomorrow a.m. then the much appreciated rest day Friday. I'm debating what pace group to run with on Saturday for the group run. The 12-minute pace group, while lovely, was just too damn slow. I coulda walked faster than that pace. I'm scared to graduate to the 11:30-minute group for fear that my ass will be bringing up the rear and struggle. But, I think I have to do it. There's no way in hell I am going to run a 12-minute pace marathon; that will take all friggin' day.

Until next time!

Monday, June 16, 2008

Week 1 Complete!

I survived my first official week of marathon training! A breakdown of my first week:
  • Monday - rest day (what an easy start!)
  • Tuesday - 3 miles (not too bad)
  • Wednesday - 3 miles (my lower back went out... trip to the chiropractor and back in action)
  • Thursday - 3 miles (getting used to it)
  • Friday - rest day (yay!)
  • Saturday - 6.9 miles (first run with CARA was supposed to be 6 miles but our awesome 12-minute pace group rocked it to 6.9 miles)
  • Sunday - cross training (I hope shopping counts because that's all I could muster today)
For the last 6 months I've been running off and on and doing several 8 and 5 K races to keep motivated. I'm excited the first official week of training kicked off June 9. There's no going back now...

My first week of running was pretty uneventful. I switched from running after work to setting my alarm for 5 a.m. and running before work. It's nice to get it over with and eat and refuel all day! I run along the lakefront downtown and enjoy jogging past the harbor. As I'm chugging along I wish I was on one of those boats but the view from land is pretty awesome. One morning I was running and noticed the ducks were still sleeping. Wow. I am not a morning person so I've already impressed myself this week. :-) I will have to work on that cross training day - shopping probably isn't what the training group has in mind. Hey, I was on my feet for a few hours and lifted several packages. :-)

My sister Jenny signed up for the Chicago Marathon too and she also completed a successful first week of training.

Great first week; so far smooth sailing.