Monday, June 30, 2008

Week 3 Complete!

Wow - another successful week of running. I completed my runs but it was an exercise in futility. Each day I experimented with different running shorts and have yet to find a pair that doesn't chafe the hell out of my inner thighs. Last Sunday I went to a running store, Fleet Feet, where a very helpful runner the size of a toothpick helped me pick out a pair of running shorts. She remembered me from a few months ago when she helped me pick out a suitable running bra, which was constructed and tested at NASA - had to be in order to work the way it does. So, she picked out 40 pairs of running shorts for me to try on and I went with the 'compression' style. She said 'Oh, I'm surprised you like the compression style'. I'm like wtf? I'm just picking the pair that makes my ass look the smallest... It has a two-layer system in which the inner short is tight like a bike short - hence the compression - and the outer layer is loose to disguise the fact that you're wearing a fashion style from the 1980s. So Tuesday morning I'm actually excited to go run my 3 miles in my new compression shorts system thing. Not 3 minutes in and damn it to hell if that outer layer of loose shorts didn't ride right up my crotch. I felt like I was running with a dick tucked in between my legs. So for a mile and a half out, cursing the entire way, I had to pick the shorts out of my crotch every 2 seconds. I probably looked like I was playing with myself. Strangely on the way back the shorts weren't riding up at all- hmmm. So I can only run in one direction in these things? Well that's not very convenient. Three runs later and 3 pairs of shorts later and still no luck.

Update on Little Viagra. One of my short runs late in the week and I noticed that the tramp stamp Little Viagra has been apparently tampered with and now reads C I A. Whaaaaaat the hell?? Something weird is going on here. The government is involved somehow. Stay tuned.

No yoga master all week. I'm really getting worried about him. What if during a deep meditation he rolled over and fell in the river?? I can only hope he went in with his kung-foo yoga mat to keep him afloat.

My sister Jenny's training out in the suburbs continues to go well. She did encounter a snake in the path during one of her runs. I'd bet money she maintained goddess form as she hurdled it. Style points for that. I don't have to worry about such obstacles... the closest thing we have to wildlife in the city is homeless people and I haven't had to jump over anyone yet.

A recap of week 3:
  • Monday - rest (praise Jesus)
  • Tuesday - 3 miles (dick-shorts fiasco)
  • Wednesday - 3 miles
  • Thursday - birthday/3 miles
  • Friday - rest day (thank the Lord)
  • Saturday - only 5 miles, whew, piece of cake!
  • Sunday - cross train (shopping and 45-minutes on the bike)
Wish me luck this week. I have a big 9-mile run coming up Saturday. I pray I find a suitable pair of shorts by then or my inner thighs will never be the same!

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